If I believed in God, I’d say he’s trying to tell me something…
I’m holding my hands up. I’m lost. Out at sea. Falling by the wayside. I could have a million reasons and motivations to want to lose weight, and I’m pretty sure I do, but they’ve left me. I’m hoping it’s temporary, but my determination is at zero.
As I reach for a bottle of wine to while away an evening with a book, it’s as if my mind shuts down and selectively blocks out things like alcohol, or anything else calorific for that matter. I seem to turn into someone who no longer gives a s**t about what I look like, what people think or the state of my health. Shortly after disposing of said consumable(s), there I find myself back in the prison of guilt, torturing myself over and over and regretting ever having gone near the corkscrew in the first place.
Well. Some higher being soon put a stop to that, didn’t they? I have a history of snapping hand-held tools… I took the handle clean off my Denman hairbrush not so long ago. Even so, I can’t help but think that some force or deity or whatever is trying to give me the kick up the arse that I need. Problem is, I’m wearing padded cycling shorts.
When the corkscrew snapped, I should have called it quits. I didn’t really need the wine anyway. Unfortunately I’m a stubborn and resourceful little so-and-so, therefore more than capable of fashioning a makeshift corkscrew. (Did you know there’s more than 10 ways to open wine with no corkscrew? Seriously, Google it.) Bye-bye wine.
So as I sit here writing at my lovely desk (sober), I’m trying to figure out a way to bump myself out of this horrendous cycle. I stayed the same weighing in this week, and I just feel that I’m stuck in some sort of Groundhog Day and nothing I do seems to let me move on. I looked back longingly at pictures taken back in 2014 when I was on my way to being a ‘normal’ weight again, and it seems like a pipe dream. I know a few more lbs would be enough allow me to get back out running, which in turn would help regulate my mood thus improving my weight loss attitude and getting me back into that positive cycle again.
I know there’s no magic formula, but if I happen to figure it out, I’ll let you know.