So the uncertainty continues. I’m used to being a self-aware, forthright and organised person, so this whole business of not being in control does not sit well with me. I’ve turned it over numerous times in my head. Day after day, week after week. I know I need to reach a conclusion sooner rather than later, so I’m not allowing these thoughts to escape into the recesses of my mind. I’m starting to develop a game plan. Granted, it’s in its infancy, but I feel like I’m currently mourning the loss of the healthier person I was gradually becoming. In essence, I’m back to square one. I know I have reasons for it, but I don’t want excuses for it – leading a healthy lifestyle shouldn’t cease due to a medical problem. I still have my tea and banana when I get up (Breakfast of elite runs in the Days Of Old, y’know) and still eat my oats, blueberries and maple syrup.
I’m due to attend the consulting surgeon in a few days. This is a repeated step from my treatment at ‘home’ (Scotland) as I’ve got to go onto a separate waiting list for surgery in this area. I absolutely loved my last consultant, he was amazing. He was a slightly rotund Indian fellow with a warm and round face and excellent bedside manner. More importantly, he was able to tell me roughly how long I would have to wait for surgery. I’m hoping New Guy will be able to do the same and not want to prod around too much! Once Thursday rolls around, I’m hopefully going to be able to take definitive steps in deciding how to handle the interim period. I think it might just be needing a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ – in this case a rough timescale for d-day. I know I’ll feel so much happier just knowing what’s going on.
Planning is obviously a major part of my life, and secretly I love it. Having a plan for anything makes me feel competent, confident and in control. This is especially true of losing weight. You have to think ahead, and plan accordingly. How many times have you thought about where you will be for lunch during your week ahead? Planned dinners for the working days in front of you?
Forearmed is forewarned, and that’s exactly where I intend to be after Thursday.