Weigh-in: 3.5lbs loss
It’s been an interesting week. Weigh-in was a success, and its very obvious that medication is indeed affecting my weight loss. I’m giving it another week or so, then I’ll need to get back on it or else the doctor might shout at me. I’m now within half a lb of my lightest weigh-in at WWs, and 2 lbs away from getting under the hallowed stone hump. This needs to occur within the next few weeks so I don’t lose my marbles. The ’11’s are so important to me for two reasons – when I lost weight the first time round, it was travelling through this stone bracket that I realised I was no longer huge – just carrying a little bit of weight. That was a revelation. It made me feel good. Also, at 11 stone, my long-suffering team-mate/motivator/agony uncle/race chaffeur/love has promised me my engagement ring. Seriously, how much more motivation does one need?
I’m Not Shallow
There are always people who say ‘It’s what’s on the inside that counts – it doesn’t matter what you look like’. Whatever. Yes it does. I am not a shallow person. I’m not vain. I take intelligence, morals and/or humour over looks any day of the week. Unfortunately, the outside is often a reflection of the inside. I can honestly say I know no overweight (or underweight) person that is truly happy with their size. Although I am a sociable, engaging, confident person, my weight can reduce that persona to zero instantly. The way I see myself in photos and in a mirror REALLY affects me.
I mentioned earlier about realising I wasn’t ‘fat’ any more – that was a positive visual impact – so it can work both ways. When I worked in the city, I got friendly with a girl in my department. She was very pretty, and a perfect figure. In proportion, slim and slightly toned. I was always a little bit jealous of her figure. One afternoon we went to a pub for a few drinks. The toilets were downstairs, and in the grand tradition of women, we went as a pair. As we stepped down, I noticed 2 girls in the mirror. Not a fat girl and a normal girl – just two girls. I clicked then that one of those normal girls was me. I grinned like hell for the next hour.
On the flipside, I saw a photo the other day that reduced me to the aforementioned ‘zero’. I look massive. Thick calves, big thighs and still a wobbly midsection that refuses to budge. This was not good for my morale.
On Thursday I was a mess. I had been toying with the idea of joining a running club for some time, and had contacted a local club for information. I decided Thursday was going to be the day. If I had been going somewhere new/to meet someone new, I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. My familiar stress response reared its ugly head, and I spent the whole day with sweating palms, no appetite and generally jittery. This was an exact repetition of the first time I went into a WWs meeting last year. The reason I felt like that? I didn’t know where I was going, I knew no-one and there was a high chance of being the fattest and slowest person there.
The reason I made myself go was simple. I knew the second I started running, everything was going to be alright. Running makes everything better. I arrived a little early, and actually drove round the building three times before I parked the car. I nearly did go home. I was sweating like hell, and my stomach was churning. I was right on most counts – When I started to run, everything was fine. You couldn’t have asked for a friendlier bunch of people. I was the biggest person there, and I might have been the slowest, but it didn’t show. We completed a 4-mile circuit and I kept with the pack. I’m going back for more. I’m a member of a running club 🙂
Sunday swung round and race day had arrived – a leisurely 5k for me in aid of Cancer Research- Race for Life. Some of my WWs girlies were taking part, and we all converged for the warm-up, decked out in the regimental pink. This was also my friends first race ever, and what I’d been helping her work towards. The event itself was frustrating, but despite that, my lovely bestie was AMAZING. I promised I’d stick with her the whole way, and together we achieved 3 minutes off her best time (despite the route being congested and being forced to walk in places) and a fair amount of sponsor money. I was so proud of her, and felt really special to be a part of her first race! I also received a cack-handed compliment – the race marshals were lovely, and very encouraging on the way round. With running Kerri’s pace, I took the opportunity to banter with a few of them, simply because I had the energy and breath to do so- the last marshal commented that I looked far too fresh and obviously wasn’t trying, and that she was sending me round for another lap!
Considering this time last year I was unable to run anywhere, I was quite pleased with myself!
Me and My Big Mouth
I seem to recall recently saying that Walter was in hiding – should have kept my mouth shut! Yesterday he jumped out from behind a bush and clobbered me with his big Fat Stick. I had a day where everything that could possibly go wrong, did indeed. How did I respond? Eating. Thanks, Walter Fat Brain. This week I really really really really want a 2lb loss to get me on the way to losing steadily again and in the coveted 11-stone bracket. Yesterday I destroyed my remaining weeklies (This is Tuesday. I weigh in on Saturday.) and ate (literally) into my activity points. This is not good. I was actually really surprised, as it’s something I haven’t done for nearly a year. It just goes to show you that you are never truly safe from your old habits, and that you need to keep fighting every day and not give yourself an opportunity to become complacent.
I’m still angry with myself today, but I’ve worked out a strategy that might result in a STS or a small loss (I’ll take anything over a gain!) so I’ve drawn a line in the sand, told Walter Fat Brain to piss off, and am soldiering on to the end of the week. Thankfully my training steps up a gear this week, so the added AP will hopefully be enough to tip me in the right direction. Zero ppt salad, anyone?